The Weight of the Past in Everything We Never Had

The Weight of the Past in Everything We Never Had

By: Mariam Mostafa

Pinterest. https://pin.it/3kpQ76W1O. Accessed 29 April 2025.

Everything We Never Had by Randy Ribay revolves around four generations of men in the Maghabol family, told through alternating perspectives. The novel opens in 1929, when 16-year-old Francisco immigrates from the Philippines to California, only to face agricultural labor and racism. In 1965, his son Emil distances himself from Francisco’s legacy of labor organizing, striving instead for academic success and assimilation. By 1983, Emil’s rigid expectations create tension with his son Chris, who begins to reconnect with the Filipino heritage his father attempted to suppress. In 2020, Chris’s son Enzo manages his anxiety during the COVID-19 pandemic while experiencing the sudden arrival of his estranged grandfather Emil, who moves into their house in Philidelphia after predictions of the virus spreading through nursing homes. Overall, the novel explores themes of generational trauma as well as cultural identity—key concepts relevant to our world today. 

For example, as a high schooler, Chris, often experienced frustration due to his father’s neglect in passing down their Filipino culture, demonstrating the current struggle for several third-generation children. On page 203, Chris states:

“‘It’s not just some assignment, Dad. It’s that you never bothered teaching me anything about our people’s history, about where we came from, because you didn’t think it was important. Well, I do. And now I have to teach myself everything.’

          ‘It isn’t important. You’ll understand when you’re older.’

‘You couldn’t even be bothered to teach us Tagalog.’ 

‘You’re not some FOB, Christopher. You’re a third-generation American, for crying out loud. And besides, our family wasn’t even Tagalog—they were Ilokano.’ 

‘Whose fault is it that I don’t know that?” 

(Ribay)

Here, Emil, shaped by pressures of assimilation, believes one’s cultural history holds little value in American society. His comments dismiss Christopher’s desire to connect with his roots, implying his concerns will fade with time. Particularly, Emil’s view stems from his own immigrant experience, where he felt compelled to shield his Filipino identity to succeed in a predominantly white society. This refusal to pass down the Llokano language/family history causes a cycle of cultural erasure affecting Chris, who feels frustrated due to yearning to learn more about his Filipino heritage without his father by his side—especially when he receives an assignment to write an essay about his “ancestors." Essentially, while Emil dismisses the Philippines as unimportant, Chris views his ancestry as crucial to understanding his identity and must now learn everything on his own (Ribay 203).

This tension between cultural identity and past generational expectations connects to the situation of many third-generation children of immigrants today. Specifically, individuals similar to Chris frequently navigate a complex space between two cultures, feeling disconnected from one or both, especially when lacking the necessary resources or support to simply understand.  Thus, the longing for cultural identity and history becomes a struggle to preserve what previous generations overlooked, given the context, time period, or social norms.

Circling back to Chris’s trauma, Emil uses his difficult relationship with his father, Francisco, as an explanation for his inability to connect with Chris. While stuck at home, Enzo explains to Emil how Chris can discuss a range of superficial topics comfortably but struggles to open up about anything even slightly emotional (Ribay 172). Emil attributes Chris’s behavior to the lack of communication as father and son, except he justifies his actions by referencing his generational trauma: “‘It’s not like I had someone to show me how either. The rare moments my father was home, he only spoke to me about his precious movement. Like I was his practice audience’” (Ribay 173). With a father prioritizing political activism over connecting with his son, Emil subsequently could not engage in a vulnerable relationship with Chris years later (Ribay 173). Consequently, he shifts the blame, seeing himself as a “victim.”

Emil’s conversation with Enzo relates to the real world by describing the difficulty in breaking the burdens of generational trauma. Similar to the Maghabols, families today often have trouble preventing passing down these unresolved emotional struggles, especially when individuals use trauma to excuse their actions. This tendency to use past pain as a justifying factor can hinder growth due to stopping a person from confronting the root of their behavior. Using trauma as an excuse also applies to topics besides familial issues, such as making a mistake with a friend. Before I conclude this post, please remember trauma never should serve as an excuse—a person’s past only contextualizes their mistakes.

Ultimately, Everything We Never Had exemplifies how emotional struggles and lost cultural connections can persist across generations. Ribay reminds us of an extremely important message: While the past shapes us, it does not have to define us; healing starts when people choose to face ignorance.

Works Cited:

Pinterest. https://pin.it/3kpQ76W1O. Accessed 29 April 2025.

Ribay, Randy. Everything We Never Had. Penguin, 2024.