Analyzing Grief and Insecurity in I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter

Analyzing Grief and Insecurity in I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter

By: Mariam Mostafa

Pinterest. https://pin.it/3JZvUseHi. Accessed 3 February 2025.

In I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter by Erika L. Sánchez, 15-year-old Mexican American Julia Reyes struggles to navigate life in Chicago after her sister Olga dies tragically from a semi-truck running over her. Olga, the so-called "perfect Mexican daughter” or the favorite of the family, conformed to her undocumented Mexican parents' expectations by staying home, working in an office, becoming a devout Christian, and attending community college. Her sudden death creates a void in the family, shifting all of her mother’s attention to Julia while her father retreats into isolation. Unlike Olga, Julia dreams of becoming a writer and attending a university far from home, rejecting her mother’s traditional values. As Julia grapples with grief and family pressure, she also uncovers secrets about Olga’s life, sparking a quest for answers about her sister’s seemingly hidden world.

Particularly, I find Julia a complex or fascinating character compared to other female protagonists I’ve read, especially in how she mourns her sister in various, at times disturbing, ways. For example, when Julia learns one day her mother plans to throw her a quinceañera (a Hispanic tradition of a daughter’s 15th birthday – a sign of womanhood) in May, she argues and cites reasons like their lack of money and her upcoming 16th birthday in July (Sánchez 16).  Yet, her mother stays determined and reiterates she never hosted a quinceañera for Olga (Sánchez 16-17). On page 65, Julia complains about this situation to Lorena, her best friend: “‘This party isn’t for me; it’s for my sister. It’s not even my freaking birthday. Can you believe that?’” (Sánchez). Here, the newly planned quinceañera causes Julia to resent how Olga’s death has taken over her own life and celebration. Through her tone and language, she seems almost bitter towards her sister as much as her mother as if Olga’s passing has forced her into a role she did not ask for.

However, Julia still experiences guilt and surprisingly jealousy while mourning Olga. After spending numerous nights unable to sleep, Julia searches Olga’s room to seek comfort, where she suddenly discovers lacy undergarments and a hotel key, suggesting sexual affairs contrary to Olga's composed, “perfect”  nature. When Julia talks to Olga’s best friend, Angie, about this new discovery, Julia starts to think: “Maybe this was a mistake. What can I tell Angie? That I went through Olga’s room and found slutty underwear and a hotel key? That I never had a real interest in her until she died because I’m a horrible and selfish human being?” (Sánchez 52). This quote suggests that Julia feels guilty about only wanting to learn more about Olga after she died and uses the “investigation” into Olga’s wild side as a way to make up for lost time in their relationship. Yet, alongside these emotions, Julia has another motive for her investigation–jealousy. On page 237, while searching through her sister’s room again to find potential clues, she states: “What if I’m wrong about my sister? What if she was the sweet, boring Olga I always knew her to be? What if I just want to think there was something below the surface? What if, in my own messed-up way, I want her to be less than perfect, so I didn’t feel like such a [failure]?” (Sánchez). Essentially, Julia’s desire for Olga to be less than perfect reveals a psychological defense mechanism; if Olga had flaws, Julia could feel less burdened by her own perceived shortcomings. Additionally, Julia can then distance herself from the pressure and pain of always comparing herself to her sister by proving Olga does not conform to her parents’ expectations.

Upon reading each of these passages, I noticed how most novels I've read in the past describe grief as intense sorrow, longing, and occasionally guilt, yet Julia’s response is not as straightforward. Her grief includes not only sadness but also frustration, anger, and envy directed at her sister. These emotions reveal Julia’s complexity and internal conflict, depicting her as someone mourning a loss and simultaneously confronting her own insecurities. Her raw, messy emotions make her more human or real, which adds depth to her character and portrays grief as anything but simple or linear.

Lastly, to end my blog post, I would like to mention how I have not finished the book and can’t wait to read more about Julia, especially since I can relate to some of her struggles due to being from an immigrant family myself. If you enjoy coming-of-age novels with complex internal conflicts, this novel is absolutely worth reading. 

Works Cited:

            Pinterest. https://pin.it/3JZvUseHi. Accessed 3 February 2025.

            Sánchez, Erika. I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter. Ember, 2017.