The Feeling of Anxiety

 

The Feeling of Anxiety

By: Krysantha Flores

Taste of Illness by Ilkwon Ha is about a boy named Yijun with extreme social anxiety and depression. Yijun in short: isolates himself, he talks to nobody at school and has no friends. Yijun is alone a lot and doesn’t bother to make friends, he thinks the other kids see him as weird. This is a heavy weight on him, he isn’t motivated to do things. At school he spots a girl who is alone like him, the only difference is that she isn’t bothered by it. He seems to have a sense of kinship with her despite them never talking to each other. They don’t talk to anyone anyway.

When his teacher announces they need a partner for the group project that he announced a week ago Yijun panics. Everyone has found a partner. He does not have a partner. The teacher tells those without a partner to stand up. In the end it is only Yijun and the girl who rise from their chairs. Then come the stares right onto them, everyone in the class looks back at the two. Yijun feels something arising from him, something akin to fear or panic. He swore this wouldn’t happen again. Suddenly his head is covered in an exploding black matter and he falls, passing out. The screams of the class to get the nurse are the only things he hears before it fades to black. He notes how this keeps happening to him, like it’s a common ailment.

He wakes up in the nurse's office where a boy is next to him. The boy comments on his situation and how he didn’t tell his teacher or classmates he passes out when nervous. Yijun met the boy at a hospital a year ago and he is the closest thing Yijun has to a friend. Yijun controls the thing that swallowed him when he passed out, but the boy doesn’t see it. The boy says he’s weird and leaves the nurses office. Nobody else can see the ‘thing’ but Yijun can feel and move it. When he’s back in class he spots these tiny people, they cheer him on and comfort him in a way. 

At the end of the story we know none of this is real, but rather something Yijun created in his head to cope with his anxiety. Even the boy who he talked to occasionally was fake. Subconsciously Yijun knew the ‘thing’ and the people who cheered him on were just his imagination. The story leads the reader along, making the reader wonder if the things Yijun sees are truly real. In one point of the story the ‘thing’ overtakes him again, leaving him holed up in his room for days on end. When this happens the girl comes to save him and the little people cheer him on. At the end of the story the girl is in the hospital and he arrives, in a way saving her. By the end they have to face their struggles but they aren’t alone, they have each other. The ‘thing’ has disappeared leaving only the little people to cheer them on.

In Taste of Illness the ‘thing’ and the little people are allegories for depression/anxiety and support. When the ‘thing’ swallows him he passes out or isolates himself, becoming in a worse state than he was. But when the girl saves him the little people are seen supporting him and helping him. This Webtoon illustrates how support and company from a person can make great positive change in a person's mental health.

Works cited

Ha, Ilkwon, Taste of Illness, Seoul: LINE WEBTOON, 2021, book.